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Chocolaty Covered Clusterfuck
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| p.s. |
[15 Jan 2007|03:08am] |
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mood |
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 content |
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by the way me and kurt are doing fine.
its going on 10 months now. crazy shit. hes different, hes compatable for me cause he accepts the shit i pull. and he doenst take my bullshit either. its crazy how much were on the same page about most things. im happy not crazy, obsessed in love with him. i love him and care for him allot. and as long as were both happy thats all i need.
good night
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| death in the family........... |
[18 Sep 2006|10:17pm] |
my granfather passed away at 10 last nite.
that was the worst phone call iv ever gotten.
i felt i had to do somehting. there was nothing to do so i drove to there house.
my brother saw it happen, he was there.
i wasnt.
i havent been.
jena drove m home cause i couldnt stop shaking and crying.
he was my father
he was supposed to walk me down the isle at my wedding
he was supposed to be there when i start my life,
when i start my business, and have a baby.
i wish i could have showed him what i could be, what i will be.
i wish i could have been here for him when he needed someone.
i dont know what going to happen now.
nobody does.
right now we just need to get thru the funeral on thursday.
i love kurt and michelle.
michelle was there to help me talk about it and kurt was there to make me smile.
its funny his birthday is the same as papa's.
which is this saterday.
i wish i could see him one more time, just to say goodbye.
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| happy happy joy joy |
[16 Aug 2006|11:03pm] |
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mood |
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 giggly |
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well i wnet to ozzfest with kurt and eric. it was awsome i got a bad sunburn and kurt got sick and got me sick. but SOAD was amazing and i ran into like everbody i know from the beach. lol it was kool. and also iv never been to a concert wiht a boyfriend it was nice during system.
i like him allot he makes me happy.
iv never dated someone i was friends with first. its like he already knows me, so there no trouble. hes been one of my best friends for like alomst a year now. even with sean him and eric were always there for me.
were goin to the tattoo shop tom. hes gonna do some stuff with spencer and i might too.
then me him mike and julie are gonna chill out and maybe see a movie.
michelle doesnt like him to much. it sux but my happiness comes first u kno. i luv her but yea... i dont care if hes the good enough or w/e.
he is, to me, and i like him allot.
p.s.
im makin more stickers
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| once again |
[06 Aug 2006|02:24pm] |
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mood |
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giggly |
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lets see,
my mom is home shes better now. getting used to moving around and stuff but ya know.
nicks birthday just passed, he had his first show too. it was good not allot fo people but ya gotta start somewhere.
you know, iv noticed and i will say i have done this before but only now do i understand, when people have feeling for another, someone gets hurt. its happened to me 3 times now.
feeling r feeling u cant help them, the only thing is if u commit urself to one person keep it that way.
im going out wiht kurtis now, its nice hes the one person i havent gotten mad at yet. im confortable wiht him allready cause we have been friends for like a lil over a year. but i like him and he likes me. its kool.
his ex is mad about it and i can understand why, and joe says its to hard to be my friend, and sean is just being an asshole.
karla i wish she knew he liked her allot when they were going out, and nothing ever happened wiht us. the thought didnt even cross r minds until a few days ago and then it clicked.
and joe i understand his feeling but with him its like all or nothing, thats the emo way out i guess. seans done it before. and im sure thats where he got the idea from. all or nohting i guess im not worth it for some.
and sean this has nothing to do wiht him. i dont know what is up his ass but someone else finally makes me happy. maybe not as happy as sean yet but u never know. i doubt im friends with either of them anymore. maybe its for the best but i am glad the last time i saw sean we hung out and had a good time. i needed it at the time. it was nice. thank you for that.
so guys now i have something new to update about. lol go firgure.
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[23 Jul 2006|10:59pm] |
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mood |
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 drained from my emtion |
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damn man,
this sux,
things just dont get better.
they do but to a limit,
not enough though.
my friends girlfriend he really liked and cared about. it was his first girlfriend he had ever really and truly commited to. she didnt understand that we were just friends. me and him just have allot in common because we grew up very similar and we understand eachother. well, she broke up with him. and now shes moving and hes really upset.
i wish i could have done something.
my friend mike was stuck in israel and sent me a very disturbing message. i was destaught for like 3 days until i found out he was coming home soon.
i dont know what i would have done if........ anything...
my mom i had to rush to the hospital at like 2a. 2 days ago.
she had apendisitis and had to get her apendix removed. but they found 3 tumors and one they r worried about now. damn man.
kurt and me had a long talk about our parents and r lives n shit, he a good friend. hes always there when i need him.
he slept over caus ei was upset me him and my bro just chilled and past out.
we cleane dmy moms car for her today and then went to the beach.
it was nice definatly took my mind off for a bit. the beach is so peaceful.
i kinda made up with my grandfather, he still dolesnt like me in the house but he lets me for a little bit now. they let me do laundry there today.
dman were broke. it was nice at my grandparents we had food all the time and unlimited gas and shit. but id still rather live here. my dads treats me more like a daughter, i have rules and chores. i earn what i get and i like it. but my dad is str8 about things. if i do something wrong he like knows most of the time. but he lets me have my freedome most of the time cause im 18. were just kinda broke, like flat broke. but were living.
its kool.
damn. w/e man. like kurt is the only one really here for me right now. i dont wanna go and just tell my friends, hes just walways around so he knows and finds out wiht me.
my other friends dont call me or ask me to chill only kurt.
mike comes back tom. at 3 omg he back im so happy. ill have mike to help me thru this.
i hope. ...if not.......
p.s.
srry lulu i liked my tag but i changed it and its so nice now.
lol
<33
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[09 Jul 2006|10:50pm] |
a beginning.
something new i guess.
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[08 Jul 2006|03:54pm] |
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mood |
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 lost and unwanted |
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iv had this journal shit for over a year, iv had it for the best thing i will ever go through and almost everyday i wrote what happened. i will kepp these pages forever. to this is just for me to keep as a memory:
30 SECONDS TO MARS LYRICS
"The Kill"
What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?
Come Break me down
Marry me, bury me
I am finished with you
What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for
I'm not running from you
Come Break me down
Marry me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance
I know now, this is who I really am
Come Break me down
Marry me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
Come, break me down
Break me down
Break me down
What if I wanted to break...?
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[08 Jul 2006|02:09pm] |
WELL,
I DONT KNOW ANYMORE. I MEAN I WISH I DID BUT I DONT. I HAVE BEEN THROWN AWAY LIKE A PIECE OF GARBAGE, USED AND NOT NEEDED OR WANTED ANYMORE.
its okay though, i mean how long did we think this was gonna go on for. i tried, theres nothing more i can do. i gave the only thing i had left from what we had back. so now i just gotta move on.
i was made an idiot, i was used like an idiot, i feel like an idiot.
its over, you got what you wanted i guess.
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[28 Jun 2006|02:03am] |
with life bring love, love bring trust. with trust bring hope, hope bring happiness. withhappiness bring dreams because without dreams one becomes unhappy and lost happiness brings loss of hope. with lost hope brings loss of trust. lost trust breaks hearts and life without love is just a bad dream.
- Nick Chavin
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[27 Jun 2006|02:52pm] |
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mood |
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lost |
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Love is lost,
but never forgotten.
<3
[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<:i>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Love is lost,
but never forgotten.
<3
<:I AM YOUR FRIEND:> |
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[21 Jun 2006|12:10am] |
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mood |
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lost in memory |
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im in love.
i allways was and allwasy will be.
did i really think if i tried it would just fade away?
theres no explaining the happiness of love
it has its own level of it.
i wouldnt give up any memory of my love for the world.
id rather die then forget what i had.
and ill never have it with another person either.
i try but its not the same.
its not fair.
im not sure if u really read all of these but i still love you i always will.
i still want u and always will.
we both want what we had
we both still have feeling for eachother
so what r u waiting for? or what are u affraid of?
i cant explain it but i know this is it the real thing. and i dont want to have a serious relationship i just want someone to lay in bed with or go to the movies with or to drink lemoneade with on a bench in the grove.
but not JUST anyone.
the one that gives me those things.
everythings changed and its all different now. thats the best part is that eventhough its like this now, the unexplainable undying feeling is still there.
what can i say
I LOVE YOU
<3
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[19 Jun 2006|04:44pm] |
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well lets see,
school is pretty gay. 5 hours by myself of english 4. sux i know. my fault tho. things r fucking weird as hell man. my friends... omg allison i had a fun but the people i dont talk to anymore. only few that matter to me. thats i kno have tiny mouths. people talk so much shit. and if they dont talk shit they cant keep secrets. fuck em iv got better things to do with my time.
iv been thinking of old things lately. iv been trying to get my yearbook form someone for a bit now. hasnt sighned it yet but the person will. but i was thinking of what they could right and what i would write in theres. damn like theres so much i might just do it on papaer and staple it or something. i miss that feeling. its crazy i mean i kno its not gonna happen but it was good while it lasted. cant explain it. the best feeling a person could feel for another. omg i cant even start or im gonna cry but, i LOVE thinking about it so much sometimes.
so enough wiht the emo
see this is what happens when ur best friends leaves u for the summer. lol ur stuck with livejournal and myspace.
fuck.
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[09 Jun 2006|04:14pm] |
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mood |
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 horny |
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why do all girls want relationships. i mean i guess yea i understand cause i did but i mean at this age there comes a time when u realize how stupid it is to be in one right now. having fun is so much better. and i mean im only having fun with all my friends and then i have my FUN fun with one of them. like im set. life is short and so is my childhood. shit, im making the best out of it man.
i wont even get into what happened to me last night. it was hilarious and worth it, but totally sucked balls at the same time. lol
<3
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[08 Jun 2006|04:51pm] |
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horny |
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hhmmm,
yepp things are good. i got what i wanted and im having fun. i was so fucke dup last night i wont even get into it. but the drive from the california club area was insane lol i was ............good. ill just say that. summer isnt to bad. im definatly having my fun before i leave.
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[05 Jun 2006|03:56pm] |
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lets see, livejournal bullshit,
maybe ur reading this one maybe ur not. but it goes to you.
i have made up my mind, u used me and made me feel worst then any guy has ever. and you of all people you, i never saw this one coming. u had the balls to ask me y i let you..... come on ur not stupid. u have become very good at munipulating people these day. i love u as a person, im not in love with u, i dont wat to be with you. and u made this clear to me when u made that "mistake". evewnthough u wanted it. evernthough u say im the one u would never cheat on n shit. i get it. yet u dont want me anymore so y would u even say that. leave it alone, i just want to be ur friend. i dont want this stupid drama. u and ur girlfriend and ur girls can do whatever u want. its not my place to get into it. i am ur friend and id hope to think ur mine to. ill allways be here if u need anything and u kno that. and as far as ur bro goes, im not saying i like him, but even if i did y would u care. u dated blaze u fucked blaze. y would u care. and u cant say cause its me because u dot want me anymore. i know u wont say it but damn u sure do show it. and im okay with that shit happens. were just not meant to be but were definatly meant to be friends. we just have this connection doesnt mean were supposed to be together just to be part of eachother i guess. the only time ill fuck wiht u and ur shit will be when u ask for advice, and ill stop telling ur bro shit. but its like even my friends come to me wiht this shit like im supposed to do something. its not my problem. its only my problem if u ask me for help or something. so until then im leaving this shit alone. but dont cross me out n shit. its been to long for it to end this way.
so im sure ill think of more later, i allways do. but for now this is it.
-call me
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[01 Jun 2006|11:29pm] |
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 good |
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wow,
talk about dead,
where did i leave off..... hes fine he had the procedure it went ok. hes an asshole to the max. i still hang out with him n stuff but i dont want to be with him anymore. its actually ironic who i like now. but im not getting into that just yet. umm i graduated, its kool i guess. things r ok im moving to west palm at th end of summer. i pierced my lip. and im bored.
so theres a quick update i guess. have fun guys.
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[25 Apr 2006|01:02pm] |
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mood |
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satisfied |
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well,
hes fine he actually had his procedure again and it worked. allswell. i dont think were really friends, he cares sometimes but hes not my friend, he doesnt talk to me or hang out with me. he actually blew me off once. w/e
prom was fun, the after party was better. i was with eric and tony and then boland mike and julie came to save the day. so i had a lil more fun then i expected later on at the beach but ya know how we do.
grad nite is this friday, im gonna be so fucked up.
im going to be workin on a lil somethin somethin soon. so pray for me lol.
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| im siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick.......................... |
[27 Feb 2006|09:33pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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sean got me sick, my throat hurts so bad. ouchies....
but i cant stay home for shit, thats the worst part. i think i ruined a friendship and im worried, i had no intentions of this happening.
im so sorry but you should have known.
anywho.....how u guys doin? my school shit is slowly getting better, im trying which is all that counts.
omg im in pain i ahte being sick i wanna sleep for like 3 days str8.that would be really nice. but yea... hey im goin to the fai this weekend...yay lol wanna come along?
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